Better out than in

The concept of friendship is so weird. You meet someone and suddenly feel like “hey I wouldn’t kill you, if I had to be around you a lot” and boom you’re set. Which works out great until a good portion of the people who you are certain you won’t murder suddenly live in different states... I have a good small group of friends. I used to think I had a lot of friends... but that was never actually the case.  There’s nothing wrong with that and I realize now that it was more me than them. I wanted so bad to have these close female friends that I was trying to squish the preverbal square peg into a round hole, and in actuality it was never a fit. Or maybe I was never a fit. Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends who live local and if i pester  them enough we will get together, but lives are busy and I am fairly forgotten. Not trying to sound all pity party, I’m ok with how things are I do wish I had a close friend nearby that would just swing by sometimes, but that time o...

I really am. Early on we really tried, and after a while we tried less. That’s on us. However how much did you try? How much did you reach out? It really goes both ways. I’m sorry that eventually I got exhausted, I’m sorry that I let life get in the way, but you need to realize that you did too. If you knew him you’d know that he’s a teddybear behind that booming voice. You’d know that he sings so well even though he doesn’t think so. You’d know that he’s unsure of himself sometimes but can always talk a good game. You’d know he’s charming and charismatic. If you knew him you’d know his sense of humor, you’d know that he secretly loves it when people say he looks like weird Al, you’d know his laugh is contagious and his compassion is unmatched. If you knew him. If you knew her, you’d know wit and sass and the biggest kindest heart. You’d know the scariest thing she’s ever done is let herself fall in love. You’d know she’s a fighter, and smart so freaking smart. You’d know the brigh...

Graduation has come and gone. I’ve been a complete cyclone of emotion... fear, anxiety, disappointment, offense, heart break, anger, and unbelievable joy..and that’s just since Monday. As my sweet boy transitions into his next phase of life so many thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams have swirled in my head. I wish more people knew Tanner like I know him. He is a disheveled pile of hair and shyness to most, but for those fortunate enough to get close to him, he is so much more. He challenges me, he leaves me speechless, like literally... I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been arguing a point with him and he throws some logic bomb at me and I don’t even know how to respond.  I’m not sure I’ve met anyone with his type of wit and brilliance. So here are a few of  my thoughts.... My sweet Tanner Paul, I don’t think I could ever adequately put into words how proud I am of you. As I sit down to write this, I’m trying to think what advice, what wisdom I could imp...

I’m not cool. I never have been. That’s not up for debate, it’s just a fact. I’ve never had people clamoring to be my friend, I’ve always been one of those outliers in groups that’s kind of annoying and no one really notices if they are here or not. I’m good with that. I can count my true friends on one hand and honestly that’s not a bad thing. I dealt with bullies my whole life, some of whom now decided they want to be friends on social media,.. which is weird if you ask me,, but whatever, I’ve never been much of a grudge holder. It took me a long time to realize that others opinions of me were just that, others opinions. If I truly believe in a cause, I don’t let the opinions of others sway that. So why do we allow the opinions of others to sway how we see ourselves? I’m loud, and sometimes super quiet. I say generally the wrong thing, I have poor timing. I talk wayyyy too much. I carry more weight currently than I should. I’m aware of all those things about me, so why do I...

So here we are AGAIN! The same arguments, the same go around.  “We need common sense gun laws” “No! Control doesn’t work” “No one needs a weapon that can wipe out a classroom in 45 seconds” “The only thing, that stops a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun” “Arm the teachers” “Secure schools better” “Metal detectors and armed guards everywhere” “No we can’t have our kids going to school in prisons” “We need better mental healthcare” “It’s not a gun problem it’s a people problem” And on and on and on..... Then after a few days or a few weeks the arguing, and posturing simmers down, and we go back to life as usual until it happens AGAIN! Then the go around starts back up, but nothing is actually being done. You can’t say X or Y doesn’t work, because literally we haven’t tried anything so how do we know what will and won’t work. You want to talk about rights? How about my child’s right to go to school, AND come home. I’m having conversa...

New Year’s Eve 2017.... I guess we all are doing a lot of reflecting at this time of year. I sat pretty much sobbing last night as I reflected on this year. It certainly has had its shares of down, but just thinking about the bad parts is not very productive. This year also had some very great spots. So I’m going to reflect on the good, ponder the bad, and look at what I hope for the new year. The Good ~ This year saw lots of good - 2017 saw Garrett graduate 8th grade and start high school.. Daniel started a new job.. Tanner got his drivers license.. Paige started working at SDSU dining services.. Connor decided on his career path (elementary school teacher) We went to Michigan for the most amazing wedding of the most amazing people.. I visited Oregon for the first time Went to Vegas for the most fun wedding/weekend and gained a sister Saw 2 NKOTB concerts and my forever hero Dolly Parton So lots of good. Lots and lots of good.. The bad ~ More ponderings of the bad......

This is not “Trump's America.” This is not “Obama’s America either.” This is MY America, and your America. I can not sit idly by and watch our America crumble. The problems in our society existed long before Obama showed up, racism existed before Trump. We can't blame our downfalls on any one man. In the week that has followed the election, I've seen people of all walks of life, backgrounds, political views, just tearing each other apart. You want to know what will destroy America? That will! You CANNOT say that you are against hate and discrimination in the middle of hating and discriminating against ANY group or individual. Everyone who voted for Trump is not a racist bigot homophobe. Everyone who didn't isn't a whining bleeding heart lazy millennial. STOP USING THIS ELECTION AS AN EXCUSE TO BE AN ASSHOLE! Some of the most amazing people I know voted for Trump. Good, loving, hard working people who don't hate anyone. The same can be said about the awesome p...

When did kindness become old fashioned??? When did it become ok to just be rude? I marvel at this phenomenon every day. It’s just getting worse. I’ve come very close lately to deleting all social media due to the negativity of it all just eating my soul. People who I love, respect, look up to just spewing venom about any group/ thought/ etc that does not emulate their own. It has seemingly become completely acceptable to tear apart anyone who disagrees with you in the name of equality.  Don’t believe me? On any sad news story, comment that you are praying for them…. Then wait… within moments you will be torn to shreds by people who don’t believe in God. These same people who claim Christians are hateful and discriminatory, but it’s ok to be hateful to them? Wait,  WHAT??!!! The other day my daughter brought to me her “political swear jar” that she plans to put out at her graduation party. Anyone caught talking about the election has to donate to her college fun. Yes it ...

Today is Veteran’s day. A day to reflect and appreciate all who have served this great country of ours in any capacity as part of the armed forces. I am blessed to be surrounded in my life by some of the most noble, giving, hilarious, kind hearted, dedicated veterans. I found myself reflecting a lot today, not just about veteran’s day, but about the 22 years my husband served, the friends we made, the things that shaped our life.   Today I would like to thank one specific veteran.  I never got to thank him. I don’t know his name, and I’m sure I never will, but this story not only brings me great emotion it also sums up the willingness that so many men and women in our military have to serve, to help, no matter what. This happened about 5 years ago. Daniel was deployed, Connor was at a band competition and it was just me, Paige and the little boys.  Paige had a very rough time in her early life with her kidneys (as some of you may recall).  This particul...

In the last 2 weeks... Daniel retired A bunch of family and friends came out to celebrate! I saw Barry Manilow in concert with my parents.. Daniel started his new job at SPAWAR The boys played at the STEAM expo The transmission in my van went  (/\ that's what a transmission looks like, who knew?) We moved That's a lot of life in two weeks.. I've had some stressy moments, (by stressy moments, I mean totally lost my shit) but I I am fortunate enough to have great friends to talk me down. Now that we are at our new house, much of the storm has passed, I must say... I LOVE IT!! I really do love everything about it! We are adjusting quite nicely to civilian life. Daniel's job seems good, the kids are all doing well, the van is at the van hospital getting better. As for the new house... It's perfect! The old house had a negative energy. I know not everyone believes in ghosts/spirits ect.. but I do, and there was a presence in that house... It's not here. Even the dogs...

I think life in general would be so much easier to navigate if we all collectively agreed to stop getting offended and lashing out so damn easy. We are all human, we are all on the same path, the same life journey, and if we stop judging and making each other feel bad about who they are, how much greater will the journey be for all of us? So here is me I don't run (often) I don't eat organic I love greasy food I'm not skinny I drive too fast I love beer I like guns I swear too much I forget birthdays I don't spank my kids I don't punish for bad grades I sometimes am dangerously close to helicopter status I'm not June Cleaver I'm a Christian I'm not a big fan of the current POTUS I believe in ghosts I'm straight I'm really smart I'm extroverted and pretty loud I'm not offended if you do/don't/aren't/ are. I will never put you down even if you do everything the exact opposite of me. It's who you are, and I love all the things t...

I did not send out Christmas cards this year.  I do feel pretty badly about this, because A) 42 people sent them to me and B) I never really got feeling too Christmassy this year, and now that it's over I have regrets.  I figured I would do a year in review here, for anyone who was interested. Now that Christmas is over and we are into the New Year, every one is making resolutions and plans for a "great" new year. Now that I have the timehop app I realize I've been in this ridiculous rut for... like... ever!  Thanks to social media I can tell you exactly what my resolutions for last year were. Lose 100lbs Get on top of my finances Work out at least 4 times a week Stop drinking soda Be a better wife/mom/friend et al As I sit here in my extra large pajama pants, drinking a diet coke, while avoiding answering the phone for fear of actually talking to the collectors, I realize I may have fallen just a teense short of these lofty goals. The Eagle fami...