Better out than in

20 years ago today: I was 19. I knew everything and had my life completely planned out and everything has gone 100% as planned. The End JUST KIDDING!!!! 20 years ago today: Our story begins with fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles... Just call me "Buttercup". Ok ok ok... sooooo 20 years ago today: This goofy awkward girl .. somehow talked this super smart, handsome boy into marrying her. Poor thing had no clue what he was signing up for. Seriously anyone who can deal with me day in, and day out for 20 years deserves some sort of metal, actually I do believe it's one of the precursors to being canonized a saint. 20 years of deployments, navy moves, schedule changes, duty nights, late nights, and early mornings. 20 years of kids who say embarrassing things, run jog-a-thons backwards and reveal all your quirks to their teachers. 20 years of band concerts, sports practices, sick babies, sassy teenagers, and now adult chi...

Yesterday social media and the world erupted with the news of Robin Williams death. As everyone else I was deeply saddened. The more that came out about the circumstances the sadder it became. One thing I can say is .. Don't speculate.. You truly can't fathom what was going on inside him. Only a very small number of people know this. I'm clinically depressed. I've spent the last 20+ years on and off various medications. I've spoken to more psychiatrists than I think was needed. Yet the demons remain. I am a master at hiding it. I'm smart, I'm funny, and people who don't know me well, tell me I'm so together, and they don't know how I do it. I joke and make light of most things including this. It's what the world sees. What you don't see is the days I physically can't get out of bed. The days that the voices are winning and I let the world become so much bigger than me. I hide those days. I want people to only see the funny, happy, eve...