Saturday, December 29, 2012

reflections of 2012, hope of 2013

Looking over the past year, it's amazing all that has transpired in 365 short days. Parts of this year will stay with me for the rest of my life for better or worse.

 I was fortunate enough to get to see my beautiful cousin Bridgett get married. I spent the weekend surrounded by family, love and happiness. I wanted that weekend to last forever.

My beautiful daughter started high school. Her growing up is having a profound affect on me.

Connor started dating, like as in has a serious girlfriend, it weirds me out that we have reached this stage of  life with him.

Tanner started middle school, waterpolo, math team, and tried out for football. Being the lease adventurous of my children, his new found interests are delightful to me.

Garrett has started playing the saxophone.. which I felt at the time was cool. :) He's actually doing really well, and is quite the rocking 4th grader.

We went on a fabulous family vacation to Disneyland in December.  I will treasure each memory forever.  It was the most fabulous time.

I completed 3 5Ks this year. For my fat gimpy butt that is fan freaking tastic!  I did the diva dash last January, the Coronado bridge run in May, and the color run in November.

I learned how to say no, and step down from things.

I directed a children's musical.

I lost a dear friend to cancer. It will always make me sad, I will never understand it. I will always miss her. Unfortunately it had a real affected on how I reacted to another friends fight with cancer, I am trying hard to overcome that.

Daniel got to be on board the USS Constitution when it got under-weigh for a brief time, only the second time that has happened in a hundred years.

Looking forward to 2013.....

My son will become a senior.. (ouch)

My husband may or may not retire (jury's still out)

We may or may not move (ditto)

Our future is uncertain in many areas, but I am hopeful. I am happy. I love my family, my friends, and I look forward to what 2013 has in store for us.

Friday, December 14, 2012

The face of evil

What does evil look like?

Today we saw first hand the face of evil. An act was committed that we will NEVER understand. No reason, no explanation will ever be good enough.

I, as most of you, listened to the news today with tears, with disbelief, and with an ache in my heart that was unreal. As I sat waiting for Tanner to get out of school, staring into the schoolyard that almost 34 years ago was the scene of "the first" American school shooting, I could not contain the tears in my eyes. The what- ifs?, the whys? They all came to me. I can not comprehend how the parents felt that day, or how the parents in CT are feeling tonight.  They are returning home to a house that will never ever feel the same. A child is missing forever.  A tree with presents that will never be opened, toys that will never again be played with, and an emptiness that I can not fathom.

So what now?? The effects of this have reverberated across this nation. Our school was getting calls asking about our safety protocol.. People are afraid. I had one parent say she was pulling her kids out of school, another who said they weren't allowed to play outside anymore.. Is that the answer?? I really am of the belief that it takes a village to raise a child, we all have to band together to make this world a safer place for all of our children.  We don't need to hide, we don't need to be afraid, we need to stand up, we need to be mindful, we need to love deeper, and teach our children the importance of relationships over material objects, people being more important than our play stations. We need to instill not just the knowledge of wrong from right but the feeling of responsibility to act upon that.

Today our principal pulled us aside at lunch and said we aren't allowed to talk about it... I don't understand that.  I understand not saying anything to the children (obviously) but if I want to share my concerns with a friend, or co-worker, I feel that is where we start to build the foundation of recovery and understanding and compassion.  Communication.

Changing laws will not change peoples hearts. We need to start with becoming a nation of better people.

Tomorrow I ask of everyone of you who reads this to do 5 purposeful kind things.  Set out to do something for someone else, the conspiracy of kindness starts with YOU, the only way to change our world is one heart at a time, and YES I believe it's that simple.

I will spend tonight hugging my kids a little tighter, and changing my outlook.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

38 going on 9

2 days ago I turned 38, it's a bit surreal. I usually tell people I'm 25. I feel 14 and look 70. I think though if I had to pick an age to be forever I would be 9.

I want to ride my bike down this weird dirt put with my brother and the Barr twins.

I want to walk to Plateau.

I want to hang out at Creekside, and listen to stories told by Willie and Big John.

I want to have that amazing excitement and magical aw that I felt watching "Charlie Brown Christmas" for the ninth time.

I want to believe in Santa.

I want to walk out into my backyard and have it be a national forest, not someone elses back yard.

I want my biggest worry to be not wanting to go to school in the morning.

I want to have a sense of wonder about the world, instead of a sense of fear.

I want to go to the 4th of July parade and be excited about the firetruck at the end.

Yep if I could pick an age to be forever I would be 9.

Garrett is 9, he's funny, carefree and smart, and he still thinks I am too. If I can't be 9 forever, maybe I can freeze him and he can be. It's a good age.