Better out than in

The concept of friendship is so weird. You meet someone and suddenly feel like “hey I wouldn’t kill you, if I had to be around you a lot” and boom you’re set. Which works out great until a good portion of the people who you are certain you won’t murder suddenly live in different states... I have a good small group of friends. I used to think I had a lot of friends... but that was never actually the case.  There’s nothing wrong with that and I realize now that it was more me than them. I wanted so bad to have these close female friends that I was trying to squish the preverbal square peg into a round hole, and in actuality it was never a fit. Or maybe I was never a fit. Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends who live local and if i pester  them enough we will get together, but lives are busy and I am fairly forgotten. Not trying to sound all pity party, I’m ok with how things are I do wish I had a close friend nearby that would just swing by sometimes, but that time of my life

I really am. Early on we really tried, and after a while we tried less. That’s on us. However how much did you try? How much did you reach out? It really goes both ways. I’m sorry that eventually I got exhausted, I’m sorry that I let life get in the way, but you need to realize that you did too. If you knew him you’d know that he’s a teddybear behind that booming voice. You’d know that he sings so well even though he doesn’t think so. You’d know that he’s unsure of himself sometimes but can always talk a good game. You’d know he’s charming and charismatic. If you knew him you’d know his sense of humor, you’d know that he secretly loves it when people say he looks like weird Al, you’d know his laugh is contagious and his compassion is unmatched. If you knew him. If you knew her, you’d know wit and sass and the biggest kindest heart. You’d know the scariest thing she’s ever done is let herself fall in love. You’d know she’s a fighter, and smart so freaking smart. You’d know the brigh