Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I don't wanna gain the whole world..

A few weeks ago I posted a picture of Paige's bedroom wall. She had cut up a magazine to make the giant wall art... Here's a little more back story.

I've been a bit funky lately.. And not in the " won't you take me to" way.

Stressed. Trying to find a career. Trying to go back to school. Daniel's car is about to blow, not sure how we'll get Christmas for the kids, Connors graduation coming up, I just turned old type stressed.

So here I was sitting in my dining room, stressing, having my little pitty party, when I noticed cut up bits of magazine everywhere. So now I'm stressed and annoyed.

I'm in the midst of having a deep conversation with God about how I think all my life's woes could be fixed, ( i.e. Lottery, giant box of money, randomly finding some giant gold bars... Or something equally plausible ) if only he would just get on board with my plan. That's when I went into my sweet girls room, and saw this...





... Message received. Don't tell me God isn't real... He's right here.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Thankfulness and other assorted thoughts that I think.

Tis the season of gratitude! Everyday I see all flavors of thankfulness popping up on my social media. Ranging from the deeply sentimental "thankful for Bob who saved my life back in 84'.." To the thankfulness space fillers " yay for fuzzy socks!"

Now don't get me wrong I love the sentiment, but I also challenge all you thankful posters not to lose sight of gratitude for the next 365.


So in the spirit I've been contemplating just what I'm thankful for, and more importantly being truly grateful for what I have in my life. So here are a few thoughts of mine...

I am thankful for:

4 kids who are independent thinkers. Who are ok breaking the mold, who really don't fit in any one category.

For a wonderful husband who still loves me no matter how many times I completely mess up. If I had wound up with any one else I'd probably be buried in a desolate area somewhere. Not sure another human exists that could put up with me.

For my faith, for knowing God exists, loves me, and good things are coming my way.

For being me, I spent a lot of years letting what other people told me about me, become how I view myself. I let their perceptions of me shape me. I was too happy, sad, messy, whiny, skinny, fat, helicopter parent, not involved enough et al.. And I let it define me. So I'm thankful that for the first time in recent memory, I really like me. Others can have opinions of me, but it doesn't make them true, or prophetic.

For Green elementary. As my days there are numbered, I am for ever grateful for this place. My children's childhoods happened here. They grew up here, learned to read, to make friends, to win and to lose. I'm grateful for the teachers who cared and still care about my kids, and for the ones that I will keep as friends the rest of my life.

For my brother, who I will always look up to, who helped shape the person I am. Who is brilliant, funny, compassionate and I would be lost without him. ( sorry for breaking your arm 30 years ago) and I'm thankful for the amazing woman he married ( good job marrying up) my life would be so dull without Katie.

I'm thankful for everything! My friends, my family, my successes and my failures. It has all lead me to where I am today.

I am thankful for you!
And of course...
For fuzzy socks

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

autopilot

Ya know how when you drive the same way to work or school everyday that eventually it just kinda drives itself. You get on the freeway and then bam you're home. You don't really recall driving past some of the things you know you passed, but you know you passed them because here you are at home. Autopilot

I feel like my life is on autopilot. I've been on this freeway, and arrived here at my current life, but I don't really know how I got here. the good the bad the ugly, it all just happened. And here I am, bam.. mourning the loss of my kids youth as well as my own. I'm not young anymore, that's actually a lot easier to come to terms with than the fact that my kids aren't either. For so many years my identity has been this busy mom with 4 little kids who needed me to do everything for them, and now I'm not. I'm trying to figure out who I am now, and trying hard not to lose sight of the fact that I have a 10 year old, who still has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe I do too.

I've gone into this almost panic mode. I'm almost 39 years old, and I have achieved nothing really impressive. I don't even have a real career.  Maybe I'm still on the freeway, maybe I missed my exit.. I'm just not sure. I know I don't want to miss another minute. I missed alot of moments, but I don't want to do that anymore.  I can't rewind my life and make better choices, but I can make better new choices, and I guess thats something.

You see this morning I woke up, buckled 3 kids into car seats, and one in his booster seat... I got on the freeway.... I got home and unloaded 2 kids who are almost adults, and 2 more who are hot on their heals.