I feel like my life is on autopilot. I've been on this freeway, and arrived here at my current life, but I don't really know how I got here. the good the bad the ugly, it all just happened. And here I am, bam.. mourning the loss of my kids youth as well as my own. I'm not young anymore, that's actually a lot easier to come to terms with than the fact that my kids aren't either. For so many years my identity has been this busy mom with 4 little kids who needed me to do everything for them, and now I'm not. I'm trying to figure out who I am now, and trying hard not to lose sight of the fact that I have a 10 year old, who still has a lot of growing up to do. Maybe I do too.
I've gone into this almost panic mode. I'm almost 39 years old, and I have achieved nothing really impressive. I don't even have a real career. Maybe I'm still on the freeway, maybe I missed my exit.. I'm just not sure. I know I don't want to miss another minute. I missed alot of moments, but I don't want to do that anymore. I can't rewind my life and make better choices, but I can make better new choices, and I guess thats something.
You see this morning I woke up, buckled 3 kids into car seats, and one in his booster seat... I got on the freeway.... I got home and unloaded 2 kids who are almost adults, and 2 more who are hot on their heals.