Pulling back vs pulling my hair out

I have always had an aversion to saying "no". For some reason the word "no" has always eluded me. I want to say no.. sometimes I plan to say no, but for one reason or another it always goes something like this..

Random person " Hey Amy, I need you too.... sew, sing, swim, jump through fire, build an arc, paint a master piece with your toes"..

Amy - (thinks - "say no, say no, your too busy you can't, you have other things to do , say no") but Says " sure no problem."

Yesterday I said no.. it felt good. It was something that I KNEW would overwhelm me even more than I already am. Being that I have spent most of October in a continuous panic attack, and steady stream of tears it felt actually good.

I hate HATE HATE letting people down, but realized that I have been letting my family down. I over commit and over commit, and then my kids suffer. That's not fair to them. It's also not fair to the people I am commiting too, that I take on so may things that I do a sub-standard job of whatever was asked of me.


A very wise friend said to me once that our most important and first ministry should always be at home. I need to live by that a little more. I am going to FIRST focus on getting my house cleaned (feel free to come on over and help :) :) ) SECOND spend a lot more time, listening to Paige's stories, helping Connor with homework (and by helping I mean dialing Aunt Katie's number for him), reading to Garrett, playing guitar with Tanner..

So I said "NO".

It may be a continuing trend.

Not to say that I don't LOVE to help and won't mend the occasional skirt or fill in when you sitter flakes, I LIVE for that, but I am learning what's important, and where to put my priorities, and it is REALLY ok to say no, you all still love me. :)