I've hit a odd spot in my life where I have been deeply analyzing everything in my life. Call it getting older, growing, up, facing my children growing up, or just going crazy. I have been questioning a lot of my past choices. I have re-evaluated my religion, my relationships and also my past.
I like to think I am an easy going person, I think that may be true to a point. I would like to think that I have a caring, loving, accepting heart... which is true to a point. I also have that ugly monster called "grudge" that I carry around. I'm not even sure I realized it or ever accepted that fact until recently.
I don't generally hold grudges I think, but every now and then, there is a wound that goes so deep that I have a hard time letting it go. Even when I tell myself and believe that I have.
I was faced this week with the fact that my reaction to an incident that happened when I was pregnant with Tanner forever altered not just my own, but my whole families path. I'm not saying it wasn't worth being upset over, I'm saying it really wasn't worth being upset for 12 years over. I've let it alter my opinions and in doing so changed the course and connection for my husband and children. I know there is nothing I can do to undo those years, but I can move forward with a changed heart and an a more open outlook, I hope I can spread that to my kids as well, and start the repairing of broken relationships.
So the moral of the story is, let go of the hurts in the past, it does no good to carry them around, you may be hurting more than just yourself.
So here's to a grudge free future.. (excluding of course Matt Duran who pushed me down in the 1st grade and tore my new pants... I loved those pants)