Friday, January 10, 2014

I wasn't ready

I thought I had this whole parenting thing figured out. I thought I had everything under control. I was this super mom... Yah well that's not true. I am realizing more and more that even when things are going smoothly, it doesn't mean I have anything to do with that smoothness. I know now that I was/ am 100% NOT READY to be the mom of teenagers!!

I'm really not. I do remember being a teenager, but I guess I blocked out the icky parts.

I'm not ready:
To not have all the answers
To let them make their own mistakes
To let them learn from those mistakes
To not be able to fix everything

When they were tiny hurts were caused by falling, and me telling them everything would be ok was enough to make it true.

Now hurts are caused by being left out, long time friends deciding you aren't cool enough anymore. From the fear of the unknown. From school and society impressing upon you that you should have your whole life figured out by 17.

I wasn't ready for that, and I wasn't ready for how much it hurts a moms heart.

My hope for all my kids is that they find friends and relationships that they can be themselves in and are never made to feel small or insignificant. That they surround themselves with people who are ok with their flaws and value them for who they are.

My hope is that they grow from their past mistakes and that they know that at 39 I don't have my whole life figured out either, and that's really ok.

I wasn't ready to be the parent of teenagers, but I'm really glad that I am... Even on the days it hurts.

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