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New Year’s Eve 2017....

I guess we all are doing a lot of reflecting at this time of year. I sat pretty much sobbing last night as I reflected on this year. It certainly has had its shares of down, but just thinking about the bad parts is not very productive. This year also had some very great spots. So I’m going to reflect on the good, ponder the bad, and look at what I hope for the new year.

The Good ~
This year saw lots of good -
2017 saw Garrett graduate 8th grade and start high school..
Daniel started a new job..
Tanner got his drivers license..
Paige started working at SDSU dining services..
Connor decided on his career path (elementary school teacher)
We went to Michigan for the most amazing wedding of the most amazing people..
I visited Oregon for the first time
Went to Vegas for the most fun wedding/weekend and gained a sister
Saw 2 NKOTB concerts and my forever hero Dolly Parton
So lots of good. Lots and lots of good..

The bad ~
More ponderings of the bad....
I guess I can’t say bad, because it’s hard to call one of the greatest things to ever enter my life “bad”
I don’t understand why things happen the way they do
I don’t understand being powerless as a parent, but I am. Garrett’s dr told me “you’re doing everything right”... I know this was meant as encouragement, but it kinda made me feel worse
I don’t understand how our entire life can just have the pause button slammed, but indeed it was.
I spew a lot of the ins and outs to some close friends , but try to keep a lot of it in. I was told once by someone who I thought was a friend that  I “always complain”. I had no idea at the time what a profound effect those words had. I realized this year that I still dwell on that, (all these years later)  and it probably prompted a lot of my solidarity through this whole process, but in a way it helped, becaus it did help me to realize that it’s ok to vent, and cry and be a whiny ass. Sometimes we need that, and it’s ok. Please complain, cry, whine to me anytime and I will love you and tell you whatever you want to hear, judgement free. I promise.

Looking forward to 2018 ~
I probably have the same “resolutions” I have every year...
Lose weight, get out of debt, blah blah blah....
So instead here are a few plans (not resolutions ;) )
Eventually I’m going to convince NFCU to hire me (I keep applying)
Finish up my degree
Be responsible
Minimize the screens and social media time of me and the family
Meal plan
Sew more, Sing more (even if I do both badly)
Keep reaching out, with or without reciprocation
Read
Live more in every positive moment
Embrace the path....


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