Better out than in

The concept of friendship is so weird. You meet someone and suddenly feel like “hey I wouldn’t kill you, if I had to be around you a lot” and boom you’re set. Which works out great until a good portion of the people who you are certain you won’t murder suddenly live in different states... I have a good small group of friends. I used to think I had a lot of friends... but that was never actually the case.  There’s nothing wrong with that and I realize now that it was more me than them. I wanted so bad to have these close female friends that I was trying to squish the preverbal square peg into a round hole, and in actuality it was never a fit. Or maybe I was never a fit. Don’t get me wrong, I still have friends who live local and if i pester  them enough we will get together, but lives are busy and I am fairly forgotten. Not trying to sound all pity party, I’m ok with how things are I do wish I had a close friend nearby that would just swing by sometimes, but that time o...

I really am. Early on we really tried, and after a while we tried less. That’s on us. However how much did you try? How much did you reach out? It really goes both ways. I’m sorry that eventually I got exhausted, I’m sorry that I let life get in the way, but you need to realize that you did too. If you knew him you’d know that he’s a teddybear behind that booming voice. You’d know that he sings so well even though he doesn’t think so. You’d know that he’s unsure of himself sometimes but can always talk a good game. You’d know he’s charming and charismatic. If you knew him you’d know his sense of humor, you’d know that he secretly loves it when people say he looks like weird Al, you’d know his laugh is contagious and his compassion is unmatched. If you knew him. If you knew her, you’d know wit and sass and the biggest kindest heart. You’d know the scariest thing she’s ever done is let herself fall in love. You’d know she’s a fighter, and smart so freaking smart. You’d know the brigh...

Graduation has come and gone. I’ve been a complete cyclone of emotion... fear, anxiety, disappointment, offense, heart break, anger, and unbelievable joy..and that’s just since Monday. As my sweet boy transitions into his next phase of life so many thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams have swirled in my head. I wish more people knew Tanner like I know him. He is a disheveled pile of hair and shyness to most, but for those fortunate enough to get close to him, he is so much more. He challenges me, he leaves me speechless, like literally... I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve been arguing a point with him and he throws some logic bomb at me and I don’t even know how to respond.  I’m not sure I’ve met anyone with his type of wit and brilliance. So here are a few of  my thoughts.... My sweet Tanner Paul, I don’t think I could ever adequately put into words how proud I am of you. As I sit down to write this, I’m trying to think what advice, what wisdom I could imp...

I’m not cool. I never have been. That’s not up for debate, it’s just a fact. I’ve never had people clamoring to be my friend, I’ve always been one of those outliers in groups that’s kind of annoying and no one really notices if they are here or not. I’m good with that. I can count my true friends on one hand and honestly that’s not a bad thing. I dealt with bullies my whole life, some of whom now decided they want to be friends on social media,.. which is weird if you ask me,, but whatever, I’ve never been much of a grudge holder. It took me a long time to realize that others opinions of me were just that, others opinions. If I truly believe in a cause, I don’t let the opinions of others sway that. So why do we allow the opinions of others to sway how we see ourselves? I’m loud, and sometimes super quiet. I say generally the wrong thing, I have poor timing. I talk wayyyy too much. I carry more weight currently than I should. I’m aware of all those things about me, so why do I...