Better out than in

Damn I've been obnoxious lately! I was scrolling through the last few months of facebook... Sweet baby Jeebers how have ya'll put up with me and not smacked me? Kudos to you all! Seriously though, did not realize how whiny I've been sounding. So in order to get it all out of my system and in the interest of full disclosure/ cheap therapy/ I really like writing... Here's my brain vomit as of late.. I'm trying to focus on the positive, look for the silver lining, two in the hand is worth three in the bush, don't take wooden nickels (insert your cliche here), but daaaammmmmnnnnnnn, I feel like a really bad MMA fighter, the one that ya know is going to get his ass kicked, but your still silently rooting for.. That's me. It's round three and I have lost all cognitive thought, but keep fighting for some unknown reason. I keep dreaming that a box with 5k shows up at my door. Like seriously 20 times. I'm going to psycho analyze myself for a second.. I belie...

20 years ago today: I was 19. I knew everything and had my life completely planned out and everything has gone 100% as planned. The End JUST KIDDING!!!! 20 years ago today: Our story begins with fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles... Just call me "Buttercup". Ok ok ok... sooooo 20 years ago today: This goofy awkward girl .. somehow talked this super smart, handsome boy into marrying her. Poor thing had no clue what he was signing up for. Seriously anyone who can deal with me day in, and day out for 20 years deserves some sort of metal, actually I do believe it's one of the precursors to being canonized a saint. 20 years of deployments, navy moves, schedule changes, duty nights, late nights, and early mornings. 20 years of kids who say embarrassing things, run jog-a-thons backwards and reveal all your quirks to their teachers. 20 years of band concerts, sports practices, sick babies, sassy teenagers, and now adult chi...

Yesterday social media and the world erupted with the news of Robin Williams death. As everyone else I was deeply saddened. The more that came out about the circumstances the sadder it became. One thing I can say is .. Don't speculate.. You truly can't fathom what was going on inside him. Only a very small number of people know this. I'm clinically depressed. I've spent the last 20+ years on and off various medications. I've spoken to more psychiatrists than I think was needed. Yet the demons remain. I am a master at hiding it. I'm smart, I'm funny, and people who don't know me well, tell me I'm so together, and they don't know how I do it. I joke and make light of most things including this. It's what the world sees. What you don't see is the days I physically can't get out of bed. The days that the voices are winning and I let the world become so much bigger than me. I hide those days. I want people to only see the funny, happy, eve...

Last week Paige and I had the fabulous opportunity to go back to Michigan for 6 days. I hadn't been back in 2 years, for Paige it had been much longer. It was amazing how time melted the second we got off that plane. As soon as I see my cousin it always feels like I just saw her yesterday, we have this share-a-brain thing going on. The more people I saw the more time didn't exist. We got to see my most amazingest aunt ever, they were letting us borrow a car to drive up to Mio.. My uncle made me drive him around the neighborhood first.. True story :) On the 4th of July we drove up to the cabin. If you've never been to the cabin, I'm not sure I could ever justifiably explain it. It's so much more than a building or a place. It's where I keep my childhood. It's picking blueberries in July, it's sparklers, it's giant fire pits, it's staying up singing until 2 a.m. It's where Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Paul, Riley, Aunt Pat and so many others will...

I know most of you think I'm an open book, and mostly I am. There are a few topics however that I only broach with very few. Politics, I believe what I believe and that's good enough for me. My volunteerism.. Not sure why, but I never feel the need to discuss how many hours I put in where doing what.. Ok that ones a little weird... The other one that I keep close to the cuff is parenting. Not because I think I'm doing a better or worse job than anyone else, but because I respect all my friends and family and how they parent. I recently joined a Facebook parenting group.. The funny thing is I had quit a military mamas group because of the drama.. Turns out civilian mamas are just as crazy or crazier. :) We are all on the same team kids! Respect give a bit, you'll get a bit. As I enter into the newest chapter of parenting the one where I'm the parent of an adult, I've done a lot of thinking about where I've been and where I'm going. 1. I am totally ok bein...

We are less than 60 days till graduation. I have so much to do.. So much to process.. I've decided to have Connor's party at my house... Eeeeek Teenagers are weird. I remember being a teenager.. I don't remember being weird. It's never okay to say mean things. If a "joke" is hurtful.. Best to keep it to yourself. That's true at any age. Our lives are changing. We will most likely be retiring from the Navy within a year. I go from excited, to terrified and back again. Pray for us as we enter this next adventure. I have accumulated A LOT of shit in the last 14 years!! I have a lot of culling to do. Anyone wanna come help? :) If you want a fabulous Connor graduation announcement, please message me your mailing address. I made some pretty amazing kids, and I am so super proud of all of them. They aren't perfect, but they are pretty darn awesome, I'm a pretty lucky mama. Someday I won't worry about money.. Someday I'll actually make it from pay...

Is it just me? I find myself asking myself all the time... I've come to the conclusion that it probably is. It took me a long time to grasp that not everyone thinks like me and most people don't do things the way I would.. Ok that might be a good thing ;) but it always gives me great pause. Friends One of my horde has recently found themselves being ignored and treated pretty poorly by long time friends. As a parent it's hard not to step in and try to fix it. I know my kid is hurt but I also know what a great person said child is. I guess that's a hard thing even as an adult. I know in my adult life I've had friends (some who've I've known for years) try to change who I am or be very critical of how I dress/act/clean/parent or just decided to ignore me, but for whatever reason I couldn't just walk away.. I also couldn't treat people that way... Maybe It's just me. Family To me family is family, pretty much through anything. (Obviously some except...

A few years ago I wrote this letter to my daughter. For those of you playing the home game, you know I also have 3 sons. Sons who are all three in various transition stages of life. One transitioning to an adult, one dealing with the fabulous angst and hormones that are issued to you in middle school, and one trying to disassociate from the title "baby of the family". So this letter is to my boys. My amazing boys, Whereas it is true that I have never myself been a boy, (shocking I know.. we'll have that talk later) I do understand where each of you are in your lives, and that some of the things you are facing are pretty terrifying, but here's the good news.... Everything is going to be ok. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH When someone compliments you, it is coming from a place of love, don't brush it off.. Be the best YOU that you can be! Often times it isn't skill, knowledge, or ability that you don't possess, it's confidence. However being confident doesn't m...

I never knew that being the mom of three boys meant that all dinner conversations would forever involve bodily functions. Also the word "balls" gets said more in my house than at a basketball game. Garrett may need a 12 step program to get over his addiction to the "Frozen" soundtrack. Hands down the best version of "Always on my mind" was done by the Pet shop boys. I have sneezed more in the last two days, than I have in the last 10 years. I'm officially allergic to Southern California. I'm predicting the Chargers win tomorrow. I also predicted the Lions going to the Super Bowl... So take that for what it's worth. I am convinced that 2014 is going to be amazing! I have faith ( and a lottery ticket) woot!! I haven't won tickets to anything in almost 5 months!!! What da heck?!?! It's 2014... I was born in 1974.... I'm staring down the barrel of 40.. That's kinda surreal!! I REALLY want to go camping! I'm ready for summer brea...

I thought I had this whole parenting thing figured out. I thought I had everything under control. I was this super mom... Yah well that's not true. I am realizing more and more that even when things are going smoothly, it doesn't mean I have anything to do with that smoothness. I know now that I was/ am 100% NOT READY to be the mom of teenagers!! I'm really not. I do remember being a teenager, but I guess I blocked out the icky parts. I'm not ready: To not have all the answers To let them make their own mistakes To let them learn from those mistakes To not be able to fix everything When they were tiny hurts were caused by falling, and me telling them everything would be ok was enough to make it true. Now hurts are caused by being left out, long time friends deciding you aren't cool enough anymore. From the fear of the unknown. From school and society impressing upon you that you should have your whole life figured out by 17. I wasn't ready for that, and I wasn...